note to self: dont eat too many bagels. they make you fart a lot.

Been a while.

I had a work "meeting" a second ago.

My pay is getting cut 20% and one of my scheduled runs is getting dropped

that equates to; on a day i have the possibility of making $100, I will only make $60.

Fuck this economy bullllllllshit. thank god for school. thank god for trust funds. thank god for parents.

ive been building a lot of things lately. getting ready for my life as an electrical engineer i guess.

school tomorrow. i havent been to school in 3 1/2 years. this is going to be weird.

today i was in a bad mood until a band covered "in my eyes". the good mood lasted til the end of the show. now i want to die again.

I've been moping a lot lately. feeling really lonely too.

Last night i drove up to pittsburgh with jen erik and brad. i thought it was a good idea. half way up i realized it was a bad idea. then when we got there i decided it was a good idea again.

i havent worked since like the 17th. I was supposed to work today but i didnt get home til like 530am. maybe ill go in tomorrow.

i feel like my moodswings are going to come back. this isnt a cry for help at all but i cant deal with shit on my own. not in a pathetic way. if no ones around to talk to i think up a friend and have a conversation with them out loud. its weird.

i dont know what i want to do with my life. i dont know why i want to do anything with it. i want to go back to school to make my life easier. not in the long run; NOW.

I really need to start writing again. will update soon when i have time.

you motherfucker. you should have left it alone back in '78.

I AM ON THE RADIO RIGHT NOW

I haven't had the internet so I can't blog.

Last bervin show ever. Tomorrow. Go.
929 farragut street nw.

Katie dance has many songs now. Demo out by end of Erik's winter break.

i spilled water on my laptop the other day. the l, m, n, t, 5 and half of the "F" buttons dont work. Instead of getting it fixed i bought this fancy new (refurbished) wireless keyboard!!

Cargo bike has been KILLIN it past few days. I retired it for a few weeks but i think im going to stick with it. At least ride it downtown to work with my road or mountain bike in the front and locking up the cargo bike at like farragut or something. Somewhere i can get to it quick if i need it.

Moving again. 51 T, NE. Can see capitol building from living room. cool. Cheap rent again, too!!!

SO...

I thought I broke the shifter on my NICE bike. Turns out the cable just came off the spool inside of the shifter. I also had a fork on layaway at shitty bikes so I head down there.

got the fork, fixed the shifter. headed home to put back together the NICE bike.

forgot to take my mountain bike off the bike rack. remember 10 minutes later. go outside. GONE

So i was like fuck this shit im going on a mission. went riding around the neighborhood looking for my bike. Stopped by Chris' house to let everyone there know to keep an eye out.

Stepped outside. Texting on my phone. Dude almost hits me on the sidewalk. riding my bike. fuck yeah gimme that shit back yung.

Today I celebrated by not going to work and instead of riding my bike at work I rode my bike for fun.

Winter training time. Watch out newbie cat 5ers ima kick yo ass come spring 09.

i still havent gotten out of bed

Whenever I think about Arizona I think about what things would have been like if I stayed. It reminds me of what's happening here, now. Things didn't work out there, things probably won't work out here. But I'm staying. Maybe that is the difference. Maybe things happened the way they did because I was leaving. I don't want to think that things will work out. I don't want to be a dude about it. I don't want to have a shitty attitude about you. I'm not going to let myself. I kind of want you to hate me. But that would just make me.. i dont know.

I just made a mixtape for someone. I haven't done that in years.

Work is good.

It snowed today.


here is a haiku about my back;

I need a backrub
Knot in my back hurts a lot
make it go away

ugh i dont know anything anymore.

less serious post

I need an oil change. Maybe I just need to add more oil. I can do the latter by myself.

The Ergs show was FUCKING AMAZING. Hunchback was annoying. Jim said they would be.

Ergs played all the songs I wanted them to play that I have never seen them play. "Hysterical Fiction" and "Aja" mainly.

In between shows we went to the most ridiculously expensive vegetarian restaurant and left immediately after looking at the menu. I stopped at Wawa and got 2 hoagies and a bag of chips. Chris found a Caribbean place on his fancy phone that had vegan jerk chicken and shit like that. SO GOOD. Pretty cheap. After eating we went back towards the show.

When we got back most of us had to use the bathroom. We went to the venue and they wouldn't let us in because there was a private party there. So we walked towards a hotel that was across the street.

We got across the street and heard some yelling. There was this guy getting roughed the fuck up by some cops. We walked toward them. By the time we got over there the guy was in the back of the squad car and being driven away. We look up at the building we were in front of. Staind was playing there. With Papa Roach and Seether. Across the street from The Ergs show. We walked around to the front of the building and saw that YES was playing at the same place on a different stage. We go in and use the bathrooms. There was this weird open air food court inbetween the 2 venues that you could just go into and not pay. I pooped while Papa Roach played "Last Resort". Fuck. Yes.

After bathroom time we moved over to the merch tables. Annie tried flirting with the merch dude to get a pair of pink panties that said "Fuck Me Like You Hate Me" on them.

The second ergs show was more amazing than the first. Lemuria ruled. Hunchback still sucked. So many video cameras during the ergs. Can't wait til they are on youtube.

serious post

I need to stop thinking about other people so much. Less favors. It's getting unhealthy.

I need to think about what would make the most sense. Not just do things to make the other person happy.

Attention everyone: don't ask me to do things anymore just because you know I'll do them.

jen shouldnt leave things logged in to someone elses computer.

Cargo bike in full effect. I hardly did any cargo work the past few days. Tomorrow I'm going to go into Apple and talk to them about doing some stuff on the side for them. Apparently Bill already wants me to hire them. That'd be tight.

I need to go to Gaithersburg today to get speakers and velcro. I'm going to hook it up so that the cargo bike is a roving soundsystem/partymobile.

HELL YEAH

Lemuria tonight.

King Diamond last night RULED. It was only one song but whatever. It was the one I wanted to hear.

Being friends with people you were friends with before but then it got weird and now you're friends again is awesome.

I was bummed but now I'm STOKED.

FUCK NEGATIVITY.

I'M BACK SON!!!

PMA. Fuck Bad Brains. Hanging out was more fun.

Fuck work. I'm about to go pick up the cargo bike from City Bikes.

What the fuck.

It seems everyone around me is happy.

I however am in this shitty fucking emotional and economical rut.

I feel fucking lonely. I'll be hanging out with people and then I just get this super intense urge of...I don't know. I'll get really uncomfortable for seemingly no reason. I dipped out of work early today to hang out. And I dipped out of hanging out early to write this down.

I want to talk to you more about stuff. I feel like you think I'm awkward and weird, which I guess I am, but I haven't opened up to you. lastword

Work sucks. 12 job days?? Fuck that. This time last year a slow day was 20. Now 17 is busy. Dispatch ignores you. They keep hiring people. Hire people when you need them. Not months in advance. WEX is the biggest company in the city but the messengers there are doing the least work individually than any other company.

Tomorrow I need to work on the cargo bike. It keeps getting pushed back further and further. I hope it's for real done. I didn't take all the seats out of my van for nothing.

Pancakes this morning

Double chocolate pancakes

with funfetti frosting + sprinkles

THEN SIX FLAGS

I almost threw up on the first ride. from the pancakes







So confused. About everything.
Mostly about you.